The Real Simon Snow (Simon and Baz 1)
by graceellegood
Summary: Simon and Baz, former mortal enemies, are beginning to work together. Simon notices a new feeling emerging...is it love?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: These characters and their background are the invention of Rainbow Rowell.

The Real Simon Snow

A Simon & Baz Fanfiction

"Crowley Snow, do you have to be so bloody loud?" Baz asked, his gray eyes filled with annoyance.

Simon turned around and made eye contact with Baz: the warm blue ocean looking into a cold and cloudy sky. "Not all of us are satisfied with simply passing our classes," Simon snapped.

"Not all of us have to study in order to pass," Baz retorted, a sly grin barely perceptible on his lips. Simon didn't notice it, but simply turned back around and continued reciting spells from his textbook. He made it halfway down the page before Baz once again interrupted the silence.

"Do you ever have _any _fun, Snow?"

Simon tried to come up with something exciting he'd done lately but his mind was saturated in spells, potion recipes, and due dates for upcoming assignments. Finally, he was able to think of something. "As a matter of fact," Simon argued, "I went to the Love Potion dance last week."

"Snow, you were head of the dance committee. All you did was organized and clean up. That hardly counts as fun," Baz said.

"Since when do you care how much fun I have?" Simon asked.

"Just because we're enemies doesn't mean I have to condone your constant seriousness."

"In case you've forgotten, my destiny is to destroy the Humdrum before it destroys magic. Life-threatening destinies are usually very serious," Simon said.

Baz couldn't stifle a laugh at this. "Believe me brave and valiant Snow, no one has forgotten that. You won't _let _anyone forget."

Simon was confused—but also intrigued. Since when did he and Baz talk? Albeit, the present conversation wasn't too pleasant, but the now absent silence was deafening. "Baz, what exactly are we doing right now?"

"Well you see Snow, it's this thing called 'conversation'," he mocked, making air quotes around conversation. "I know you're used to having everyone listen to you, but sometimes it's nice to have a back-and-forth talk going." Baz knew what Simon meant, but he loved being the cause of the slight blush that always appeared whenever Simon was annoyed.

"But why do you suddenly want to chat with me?" Simon asked. "You can barely stand the sound of my voice."

"I never said _that._"

"After every speech I make as president of Magic Council, you comment on how 'bloody wretched' I sound."

"Well that's when you're trying to impress everyone, especially the Mage. You're not the same in front of that podium as you are in here," Baz said.

_Is he saying he likes me when we're here together? _Simon thought. Then he said to Baz, "I don't think I act any different. And if I do, it is _definitely _not to impress the Mage."

Baz took a deep breath before he replied. He knew that what he was about to say would change everything, but regardless of the consequences, he had to get the words out of him. Sooner or later, they would drive him mad.

"Out there you're Simon Snow: defender of Watford, destined defeater of the Humdrum, the guy who is too high up on the magician totem-pole to bother with lowly guys like me," he said, adding on a mock air of peasantry to the last bit.

"Am I really like that?" Simon asked, a melancholy realization covering his face.

By this time, Baz had slowly made his way over to the edge of Simon's bed and was facing him, Simon still sitting at his desk.

"No, Snow. You just _pretend _to be like that."

_Why do I pretend to be that way? _Simon asked himself.

Baz examined Simon's face carefully, watching him search for the answer to the question Baz knew he must be asking. He noticed how Simon's eyebrows scrunched together, making his foreheard wrinkle. His searching blue eyes moved from the left to the right side of the dark wooden floor of their dorm room. Baz knew when Simon found the answer when his gaze went from the floor to Baz's eyes and locked themselves there.

Simon spoke with a voice full of relief and disappointment. "That's what everyone has always told me I was."

Baz nodded and added, "They told you what they wanted you to be, not who you are."

"And who exactly is that? I'm not even sure I know."

"I think that's a question you need to answer yourself, Snow."

Simon solemnly nodded, still staring into Baz's eyes—the eyes that Simon had always thought were aflame with hatred for him, now seemed aglow with understanding. Their entire conversation was confusing to Simon, not simply because of it's content but it's mere existence.

Simon felt vulnerable. Someone was able to see through pretenses that he himself didn't even know existed. That was the last thing he wanted Baz, his enemy, to see. The scariest thing was, Baz didn't _feel _like his enemy. Maybe that was part of the act too: he'd always been told that Baz was his mortal enemy, so he believed it. Come to think of it, Baz had never actually done anything malicious to Simon or anyone else for that matter.

"How do I answer it?" Simon asked, breaking the silence.

"I think I can help you with that, if you'd like," Baz said, his heart beating thick at the anticipation of Simon's answer.

"I think I'd like that," Simon answered, a content smile spreading across his face.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

The air shifted as Simon and Baz went from enemies to something even more than allies—that afternoon, they became friends. Simon was still in shock because it happened so quickly. Baz made Simon realize things about himself that changed the way he felt about everything: the Mage, the Humdrum, magic, his destiny, and especially Baz.

"I've got to go gather verite berries to use for Potion Making 101 tomorrow," Baz said, as he walked towards the door.

Simon was surprised at the disappointment he felt. Typically he felt relieved when Baz left the room. As Baz put his hand on the doorknob, he turned to Simon with a sly grin and said, "Well Snow, are you coming with me or are you just gonna sit in here all day?"

Simon jumped—literally _jumped—_out of his desk chair and walked with Baz outside, following the path to the deepest part of the woods.

"Why did we have to walk all the way to the edge of the woods?" Simon asked.

"We didn't," Baz replied, poking around the bushes, avoiding Simon's face.

"We've been passing verite berry bushes for the past two miles and you haven't picked a single one. At this rate, we'll be out here for hours."

Still not looking at Simon, Baz laughed almost silently and said, "That's the point, Snow."

After a couple of brief seconds, Simon understood that Baz was trying to prolong their journey because he _wanted _to spend as long a time with Simon as possible, away from school. This gave Simon a very warm feeling in his stomach; not a mushy warmth but a feeling of acceptance. Baz knew Simon—really _knew _him—and despite everything, Baz accepted him.

Simon, knowing that Baz was slightly flustered, tried to change the subject. "Why do you need verite berries anyway?"

"Mr. Maxwell wants us to make a truth potion and then drink it. I think he's going to ask all of us if we've ever cheated on his tests," Baz explained, glad for the change in conversation.

"How long does it last?" Simon asked.

"24 hours."

"So that means that after school tomorrow I can ask you _anything _I want and you'll have to tell me the truth..." Simon said, with a mischievous look on his face.

Baz's heart began to race. He hadn't thought of that. Then he thought to himself, _What are the chances that Simon will ask me if I love him? He's more likely to find out that I'm a vampire. _Baz wasn't sure which truth he was more worried about Simon discovering.

"You don't have to give me a truth potion for me to be honest with you, Snow."

"I can ask you _any _question and you'll answer it truthfully?" Simon asked, his voice filled with doubt.

Baz smiled. "Ask away."

"After five years of living in the same dorm room, why did we just now become friends?"

Baz had to think about how to answer this. He knew what he wanted to say. _Because I was afraid that you would find out the truth—that I love you. That I always have. I didn't know if you would ever even like me, let alone love me. _Instead he answered, "You've started to change."

"So you haven't always liked me?"

"It wasn't exactly that I didn't like _you, _it was your blind sense of entitlement. Don't get me wrong, you're ego is still pretty puffed up, but I've started seeing a little more of you behind it," Baz explained.

Simon pondered this. He knew that he acted like a self-righteous heroic asshole, but he only did it because he felt like he had something to prove. When the Mage brought him here from the orphanage they told him all the great things that were expected of him. He thought that if they believed he was the golden child then he should act like he was. Lately, he'd grown tired of acting like something that he'd come to believe he wasn't—and maybe never would be. In an attempt to lighten the mood Simon asked, "Do you fancy anyone?"

_Oh no, _Baz thought. He knew that this was dangerous ground Simon had brought them to. _Crowley Baz, pull it together. You're not together now and it will stay that way if you don't at least try to change it, _Baz told himself. "Yes, I do," Baz answered, his heart beating thickly.

"Let me try to guess who it is! Do I know the person?" Simon asked.

"Yes."

"Is this person smart?"

"Yes." _More than smart. Wise._

"Good looking?"

"Yes." _Oh gods, yes._

_ "_Dark headed?"

"No." _Golden hair I want to lose myself in._

"Blue eyes?"

"The bluest." _So blue I want to swim in them forever._

"Crazy family?"

"Orphan." _If it were up to me, you'd never be alone again._

Simon started getting a weird sense...

"Does this person live in our dorm hall?"

"Yes."

"Baz," Simon said, his breath catching in his chest. "Is this person me?"

"Yes." _It's always been you, my love._


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

Simon disintegrated. He felt like he could fly. Well, he was a magician so he could obviously fly—but he felt so light he could just float. Then again, he might have just been lightheaded from the whirlwind transformation of his feelings towards Baz. _Of course, _Simon thought. _Love, that's what is between Baz me—not antipathy. _It had been staring Simon right in the face all these years and he never saw it. Until now.

Baz had been through plenty of scary ordeals: the vampire attack that killed his mother and turned him into a monster, the dark nights of grief that his father drowned in alcohol and then took his rage out on Baz, the fear he went through everyday that the Mage would find out what he was, and yet this was the most frightened he had ever been. Standing here with his heart at Simon's feet, waiting for him to either stomp on it or maybe, just maybe, pick it up and care for it.

"Why didn't you tell me before?" Simon asked.

"I was too afraid." _Still am, _Baz thought.

"Tyrannus Basilton, afraid? I didn't think you were afraid of anything."

"I'm terrified of you," Baz said, looking Simon in the eyes.

"You shouldn't be," Simon said gently.

_Does that mean that he loves me too? _Baz thought. "Why shouldn't I?" _Don't you know how much power you have over me, my love? _

"Because I would never hurt you," Simon answered. "Don't you think if I wanted to I would have done it by now?" Simon didn't think that Baz realized this because he himself only thought of it a few seconds ago.

"Never say never," Baz said, not wanting to get his hopes up.

"Never Baz," Simon said, reaching up to cup Baz's cheek in his hand. Baz's skin was so cold but Simon felt like it belonged there. "I would never hurt you. Okay?"

_Gods, don't cry Baz. Don't you dare cry, _Baz told himself. He wanted to touch Simon back but he was too afraid that any movement would make him wake up from this dream—this breathtaking dream. "Okay," Baz said, unable to prevent a sob from escaping from his throat.

Simon leaned forward so that his forehead rested against Baz's, his hand still cradling his cheek. His eyes flicked from Baz's eyes to his lips, then back again. He touched Baz's lips with his thumb to make sure he wouldn't run away. He didn't but he shook his head and said, "Don't do anything you're going to regret later." _Crowley, Baz. Are you __actually __**trying **__to talk him out of it? _he thought to himself.

"I won't," Simon said. He moved his hand from Baz's cheek to the back of his neck and kiss him softly. He pulled back to see if Baz was okay, but Baz pulled Simon forward and met his lips fervidly, running his fingers through Simon's thick golden hair. Baz inhaled Simon's scent of apples that had become so familiar to him but suddenly seemed so new.

Simon felt _alive_, he felt...true. He had been searching for somewhere to belong for so long and thought he had found it in the spotlight shined on him by the Mage, but no he knew that it was here. Wherever Baz was, wherever Baz _loved _him, that's where he belonged. It's where he had always belonged. Kissing Baz was like coming home. _The old mortal saying is true, _Simon thought. _There's no place quite like home. _

Baz felt _safe, _he felt...secure. For so long, he had tried to hide inside himself. He withdrew from others and guarded his heart fiercely, protecting it from being shattered. That plan worked, that is, until he met Simon. He met Simon before he discovered exactly _who _he was. The second he looked into Simon's eyes, those precious eyes, his heart of stone began to chip away piece by piece. He realized that here with Simon, his lovely Simon, nothing else mattered. He vowed to do whatever he could to make Simon happy.

They both pulled away for breath, still holding on to each other. Simon glanced up and saw tears quietly streaming down Baz's face. He kissed them away one by one, which only made them fall harder. Simon began to worry. "Baz?" he asked. When Baz didn't answer, Simon titled his chin up so that they were face to face. Even then, Baz avoided his gaze. "Baz, look at me," Simon pleaded.

Baz finally met Simon's gaze. "Baz, what's wrong?"

"You don't want this," Baz said, sounding as if he could burst into tears again.

"You're right," Simon said. "I don't want this. I want _you._"

"Don't say that." _I never want you to stop saying that._

"No, Baz. It's taken my bloody self too long to realize it. I've got lost time to make up for." _Don't be afraid, my love. _

"If you realized what I am, you wouldn't feel this way." _I'm a monster, Simon. I don't want to hurt you._

"I know _exactly _who you are. You're my moody roommate who constantly teases me. I act like it infuriates me, but secretly I love it. You're the one who helps me in class whenever I get frustrated. You were my presumed enemy, yet you never tried to hurt me. Your sarcasm is sometimes the only thing that makes me smile all day. And you're the one that I love, Baz. I'm sorry it took me so long to realize it."

"Can you do one thing for me?" Baz asked.

"_Anything_," Simon answered.

Baz broke out into a wide grin. "Will you tell me you love me again?"

Simon kissed Baz's forehead. "I love you." He kissed both of his cheeks and whispered, "I love you" into each ear. His hot breath sent chills down Baz's spine. Simon held Baz's face in his hands and stared into his gray eyes. "I love you," Simon exhaled, practically swallowing Baz's lips.

Simon pulled back and Baz leaned in hastily not wanting him to stop. Simon put his hand up and said, "You have to do something for me too. Tell me you love me."

"I can't."

Simon didn't know whether to dissolve in grief or punch Baz in the face. Baz saw the extreme hurt in Simon's eyes and said, "Not because I don't because I do—like _really. _But I've been planning how I was going to do this for such a long time, I have to do it right."

Simon, relieved, took Baz's outstretched and walked the long path back to school, anticipating what was to come.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

When Simon and Baz arrived back to their dorm room, neither of them knew what to do. An uneasy feeling settled over Baz as thoughts raced through his mind. _How do I tell Simon I love him? He deserves something amazing, something unforgettable. _Could Baz give that to him? Simon must have noticed Baz's fidgety countenance because he said, "Baz, what's wrong?"

Baz took a deep breath and said, "I can't do this, Snow."

"_Simon, _Baz. I'm Simon," he said, holding Baz's cheek in his hand. "Remember that?" _Don't be afraid my dearest Baz, _he thought.

"You deserve better than me," Baz admitted, lowering his head.

"No Baz, I'm the one who doesn't deserve _you. _After everything I've done and said to you I can't even-..." Simon stopped, his voice shaking. "Don't give up on me—on us—before we even have a chance. Promise me?"

Baz nodded silently, leaning slightly into Simon's hand which was still cradling his cheek. He loved the sensation of Simon's warm skin against his ice cold flesh.

"Now, is there anything you have to tell me?" Simon asked, smiling.

Baz blushed. "I have to have more time. It has to be special."

"I don't want anything special. Just having you say it is special enough for me," Simon said.

"But-"

Before Baz could finish, Simon smashed his lips into Baz's, eager to kiss his anxiety away. Baz grabbed both sides of Simon's face, pulling him in ever closer. Simon's lips were soft and yielding against Baz's chapped and forceful mouth. Simon had to use all of his strength to pull away from Baz. When Baz tried to pull him back Simon whispered, "Say it".

Baz grinned proving that Simon's kiss had succeeded in taking away his fear. He pushed Simon's back against the wall, fencing him in. He leaned his face down closer to Simon's, his eyes full of adoration. "Simon," he said, his breath hot against Simon's face, "I love you. Simon Oliver Snow, I _worship _you."

Simon felt like he was on fire. _I burn for you, my love, _he thought. Simon pushed Baz onto the bed until his back was against the headboard and Simon sat in front of him. He reached forward and pulled Baz to him, running his fingers through Baz's black mane. They swallowed each others lips with an eagerness that neither of them had ever felt before. Baz was terrified that he would wake up and discover that this—Simon _kissing _him—was all a dream.

Baz pulled away to catch his breath and whispered, "Is this a dream?"

"Ask me in the morning," Simon said, brushing his lips along Baz's hairline, down to his ear, before kissing his neck.

"Oh gods," Baz mumbled, leaning back onto the bed.

Simon took a deep breath and then ran his fingers underneath the hem of Baz's t-shirt, slowly pulling it up until it was over Baz's head. He threw it onto the floor and leaned back to study Baz's chest. He saw it's quick rise and fall, the result of trying to catch his breath. The thing that he loved the most was Baz's skin: flawless alabaster that glowed in the moonlight shining through the window, cold to the touch.

"You're beautiful," Simon said, mesmerized.

Baz laughed. "Crowley Snow, don't be ridiculous."

Baz saw the look of hurt on Simon's face, unsure of whether it was because he'd called him Snow or ridiculous—or both. Wanting to wipe that heartbreaking look off of Simon's face, Baz pulled Simon down beside him. He lifted Simon's shirt over his head and propped his head onto his elbow so that he could look at Simon's chest like he had his. "Simon, you're the beautiful one," Baz said, relieved when Simon's face lit up, his apple-shaped cheeks turning an adorable shade of pink.

Baz's fingertips danced gently over Simon's chest, trying to memorize how he felt. Baz's touch sent electric shocks through Simon as he moved up and down each arm, across his chest, and every part of his face.

Simon felt like he was going to explode, so he pulled Baz close and kissed him gently. Baz shifted his leg and felt Simon's hardness. Simon felt Baz's leg and knew Baz meant when he asked, "Simon, are you sure you want this?"

"Oh gods, yes."

Baz climbed on top of Simon, moving his face so that their foreheads touched. Baz tasted Simon's lips and explored his mouth while moving his hand down Simon's chest and into his pants.

And Simon felt magical.

***to be continued***


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

Simon arched his back when Baz wrapped his hand around his hardness and began sliding it up and down. He had never felt anything like this before and the sensation was overwhelming. He closed his eyes and writhed in pleasure. Baz put his mouth next to Simon's ear and whispered, "Open your eyes and look at me. Keep your eyes on me."

Simon did as Baz asked, but hesitantly. He felt self-conscious because he had never done anything like this before and he was sure that Baz had because he knew exactly what to do to make Simon feel glorious. What if Simon did something stupid? What if he couldn't satisfy Baz? Baz must have noticed Simon's worry because he said, "Don't worry Simon. Just look at me, love."

And with that, Simon felt safe. As they looked into each other's eyes, Baz's hand beginning to pump faster and faster, Simon could feel Baz's unconditional love for him. He knew that no matter what, everything was going to be okay.

Then he couldn't think. All Simon knew was he felt like he was exploding, bursting with ecstasy. He gripped the bed sheets and moaned, letting the waves of pleasure wash over his body. When it was over, he laid flat on his back, panting. After a few seconds, he flipped Baz onto his back.

"You don't have to do this if you're not ready," Baz said.

Simon just shook his head and leaned down to kiss Baz, softly at first but then more aggressive. He began grinding on Baz's lap, feeling his hardness. Baz's moan echoed through Simon's mouth as he did this.

"You're driving me mad," Baz said, yearning for Simon's touch.

Simon gave a slight laugh and then slowly moved his hand down Baz's pants. He wasn't exactly sure what to do because this was his first time. He didn't think it would be difficult, but he was nervous after Baz's magnificent performance on him.

_A spell! _Simon thought. _I can use a spell that will blow Baz's mind. Literally. _

As he gripped Baz's hardness in his hand, he cast the spell in his head: _Lover, lover, treat me well._

Baz felt lightning bolts of bliss electrify his body. The sensation was so overwhelming that it overtook his mind. He couldn't think, see, or hear anything except the beating of his own heart. He started letting out load moans and Simon had to cover his mouth with the hand he wasn't using to pleasure Baz.

When Baz's climax reached it's peak, he began to let out a scream. Simon quickly bent down and practically swallowed Baz's mouth in his own to keep him quiet. When it was over, Simon flipped over on his back, both of them struggling to catch their breath.

"You used a bloody spell, didn't you?" Baz asked, smiling.

Simon's grin gave him away. "I wanted to make you feel as good as you made me feel."

"You lying here beside me is enough. You know that, right?"

"A kiss might help," Simon teased, a grin spread from ear to ear.

Baz leaned over and kissed him, softly but firmly. Then they lay facing each other, Baz stroking Simon's hair, their legs intertwined. When Simon yawned, Baz told him to flip over. He then pulled Simon to him and wrapped his arms around him.

"Please don't leave me," Simon whispered, almost crying.

"Simon, I'm right here; I'm not going anywhere."

"Promise you'll be here forever. I don't know what I'd do if you ever stopped-" he broke of his sentence, unable to continue.

"Stopped what?" Baz asked.

"Loving me."

Baz kissed Simon's neck, breathing in his scent and warmth. "I will be here forever, my love."

And with that, they fell asleep in each others arms.


End file.
